Or as we like to call it in the single world, Singles Awareness Day. That's right there will be no trips to Hallmark, Godiva, or the local florist (let's be honest none of the stops would have been made regardless, why would you, when you could go to Walmart just around the corner, and get half the quality at 1/4 the price, making it double the value, and three times the appreciation, provided you removed 100% of the price stickers.) But I digress. The point is, it's good to be single. Good to your wallet, good to your time, good to your chapped lips and asthma, good because you like to drink milk despite being lactose intolerant, and attempting to relieve oneself of the byproducts produced from such indulgences before your date gets back from powdering her nose, quite frankly is distressing. It has been said that while the man is the head the woman is the neck. Well, today we single men turn our heads of our own accord... We turn them to look at every single good looking lady that passes by, because we can... without getting slapped. Today we singles laugh at you couples, not just because it's that good to be single, but because it's a coping mechanism, to get us through our loneliness. But you don't know that. Indeed you're like the little kids that developed hormones before all the other little kids, and all of us single little kids are sitting atop the twirly slide, pointing down at you, and singing about sitting in trees and spelling simple words that make the lyrics fit the tune, while secretly we're jealous. But, you don't know that either. You just know that you've partaken of the fruit and your ashamed and embarrased. Well, we all know what happens to the ashamed and embarrased from Nephi. We'll see you atop the twirly slide, but be careful climbing up to us, this foundation was built upon the sands... The Sands of Time! Which is what we never lack, since we have no one else to occupy it. Time to heal, time to kill, time to laugh, and time to mourn, time for peace and time for war, time to cast away stones, and time to gather stones, time to think about what kinds of things King Solomon did in his spare time. Time to cook and time to clean, and time to do laundry. (It probably goes without saying, but those last few were gender specific). And time to do all the other good stuffs King Solomon talked about. And you couples only have time for each other. Maybe Jake Gyllenhaal will lend you his dagger, and you can use our sand to go back to a time when you were single. That is if he didn't already use all the sand to go back to a time before he broke his back in the mountains.
So for all of you, who dream of the single life, we singles shed a tear in your honor. In fact we weep for you, or because of you, but what's the difference, a tear shed has no meaning, if it hasn't another to wipe it away.
HHaaaahahahahaahahahahhaaaaahhaaa!
Love you all!
Very nice Kody. I laughed through this entire thing. Especially the park about Jake Gyllenhal. Oh, and just so you know, sometimes we, as couples, weep for ourselves. Like for instance the fact that I'm up with the baby for the third time tonight and have maybe gotten 2 hours of sleep. Yes, I needed to laugh, so thank you. And we love you too!! -Becky
ReplyDeleteKode of the west. What the heck? Why are you working for Brock? You need to leave the finance world and write for millions of bongo bucks every week. You need to start a column. This blog is a mere springboard for your true destiny. I am in my office laughing (which means people miles away can hear because when I think something is funny I sound like a buffalo). Anyway, I loved this entry and I am going to show it to my coworkers. Enjoy the twirly slide. Love you.
ReplyDeletehaaaaahahahahah, so Tay and i were laughing the through this whole post. We agree with Chels, about you sharing your writing talents with the world.
ReplyDeleteI would like to make sure that I receive the credit for first noticing kody's skill at writing. That is all.
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